Learning From Coaches

I would like to write a book about what kids learn from sports.  The title would be, "All the Life Lessons We Learn from Sports," with the subtitle, "That the Coaches Never Intended to Teach."  As a parent who has been through a lot of sports, (I'm including dance along with traditional sports), with three children, it is amazing what difficult situations they have had to grapple with.  (Disclosure: I have coached multiple sports through the middle school level for over ten years and am guilty of some of the things I complain about).

Most coaches are not honest about their goals and expectations.  Especially at the non-varsity level, when you hear a coach say that winning is not the most important thing, and then watch some players sit on the bench game after game, those kids on the bench think that winning is the most important thing, and that the coach is a not quite honest.  I have also seen coaches make promises they can't keep, trying to encourage the less talented kids, "If you'll just do so and so, you'll get into the game."  But somehow the game comes and goes and nothing changes. 

The most common lie is that hard work pays off.  Now, sure, we want to instill this idea into our kids, but it turns out that this is only true for those whose hard work produces superior results.  If hard work means you're still only the 9th best player on the basketball team, you probably won't see the court except in mop up time. And it turns out that at work, the same thing is true.  If you are the hardest working salesman, but only the 9th best producer, you don't get the big bonus, so this teaches a good life lesson.  (The trick there is to work different, not harder).

Many kids, who are not the stars and the starters, can come away from sports learning that life is unfair, that you can't take at face value what you're told, and to experience great disappointment and frustration.  These really are valuable life lessons.  Plus, they learn to figure out for themselves what they enjoy without external praise, to be confident about who they are rather  they can do for others.  Under the "makes you stronger if it doesn't kill you" category, they can emerge wiser, more self aware, and more confident about what is important in life.

These examples only touch the surface of how coaches often teach the opposite of what they imagine.  But with good parental involvement, everything can be turned to a positive.